A Touch of Evil

Quotations
"'Well, evil to some is always good to others.'" -Jane Austen, Emma

"'There is such a thing as evil…'" -Agatha Christie, Murder With Mirrors

"'…he looked at me as if I had been the embodied evil of life.'" -Joseph Conrad, Lord Jim

"'…reflecting how much certain forms of evil are akin to madness, derived from intense egoism, inflamed by resistance, tearing the soul to pieces, and giving factitious vigor to the body.'" -Joseph Conrad, Lord Jim

"'And yet — she's a good soul. So good — she bores me. No evil in her. Somehow — one needs — a spice — of evil — in every personality. It's the — pinch of — salt — that brings out — the flavour.'
Another silence. Then he added gravely,
'Trouble is — the Cook — makes the pinch — too large — in most cases. Inexperienced Cook — wiser after — a few eternities.'" -L.M. Montgomery, Emily's Quest

"…'Prophet!' said I, 'thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! –
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted —
On this home by horror haunted — tell me truly, I implore —
Is there — is there balm in Gilead? — tell me — tell me, I implore!'
Quoth the raven, 'Nevermore.'

'Prophet!' said I, 'thing of evil! — prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us — by that God we both adore —
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels named Lenore —
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels named Lenore?'
Quoth the raven, 'Nevermore.'…" -Edgar Allan Poe, "The Raven"

"…It is not upon you alone the dark patches fall,
The dark threw its patches down upon me also,
The best I had done seem'd to me blank and suspicious,
My great thoughts as I supposed them, were they not in reality meagre?
Nor is it you alone who know what it is to be evil,
I am he who knew what it was to be evil…" -Walt Whitman, "Crossing Brooklyn Ferry"

Change (Not Coins)

Quotations
"'Oh,' she though, 'how horrible it is that people have to grow up — and marry — and change!'" -L.M. Montgomery, Anne of the Island

"Kindred spirits alone do not change with the changing years." -L.M. Montgomery, Anne of the Island

"'Changes come all the time. Just as soon as things get really nice they change,' she said with a sigh." -L.M. Montgomery, Anne's House of Dreams

"'…you'll change, whether you think you will or not.  Nothing ever stays the same.'" -Sylvia Plath, "Initiation"

"'Young people think they never can change, but they do in the most wonderful manner, and very few die of broken hearts.'" -Louisa May Alcott, Jo's Boys

"'How wonderful, how very wonderful the operations of time, and the changes of the human mind!'" -Jane Austen, Mansfield Park

"…she was oppressed, she was overcome by her own felicity; — and happily disposed as is the human mind to be easily familiarized with any change for the better, it required several hours to give sedateness to her spirits, or any degree of tranquility to her heart." -Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility

"Change leaves everything at the same level. Nothing stays bright but mornings." -Elizabeth Bowen, "Unwelcome Idea"

"'I remembered the old doctor – "It would be interesting for science to watch the mental changes of individuals, on the spot." I felt I was becoming scientifically interesting.'" -Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness

"Then he asked if I didn't like things changing.  And I said I wouldn't mind things changing if I became an astronaut, for example, which is one of the biggest changes you can imagine apart from becoming a girl or dying." -Mark Haddon, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

"Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change." -Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"'People change, they eat meals year after year and change with every meal.'" -Jack Kerouac, On the Road

"'The world changes, and all that once was strong now proves unsure.'" -J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

Random Musing
In case you were curious, I personally do not like change very much. I have very little use for it, and generally find it a huge (rather frightening) nuisance.

On Words #12

Quotation
"Words could not express the dull pain of these things." -William Golding, Lord of the Flies

This Mother's Day

Quotations
"The clocks were striking midnight and the rooms were very still as a figure glided quietly from bed to bed, smoothing a coverlid here, settling a pillow there, and pausing to look long and tenderly at each unconscious face, to kiss each with lips that mutely blessed, and to pray the fervent prayers which only mothers utter." -Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

"'What do girls do who haven't any mothers to help them through their troubles?'" -Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

"…for no matter how lost and soiled and worn-out wandering sons may be, mothers can forgive and forget every thing as they fold them into their fostering arms. Happy the son whose faith in his mother remains unchanged, and who, through all his wanderings, has kept some filial token to repay her brave and tender love." -Louisa May Alcott, Little Men

"…she rejoiced as only mothers can in the good fortunes of their children." -Louisa May Alcott, Jo's Boys

"'Mothers can forgive anything! Tell me all, and be sure that I will never let you go, though the whole world should turn from you.'" -Louisa May Alcott, Jo's Boys

"'A mother would have been always present.  A mother would have been a constant friend; her influence would have been beyond all other.'" -Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey

"…Mother, I
love you — for

whatever that
means,
meant — more

than I know, body
gave me my
own, generous,

inexorable place
of you…" -Robert Creeley, "For My Mother: Genevieve Jules Creeley April 8, 1887-                                                                                                           1972"

"…When you are in your grave all that you will be able to say is mommy.…" -Dorothea Lasky, "The Poetry that is Going to Matter After You are Dead"

Dreams and Dreaming #9

Quotation
"'It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that.'" -J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

On Happiness #23

Quotation
"…it is well to have as many holds upon happiness as possible.'" -Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey

On Love #14

Quotation
"'It's a hard thing, Knighton,' he said, 'how little one can do for those one loves.'" -Agatha Christie, The Mystery of the Blue Train

I'm Gradumacated

Quotation
"'All life lessons are not learned at college,' she thought. 'Life teaches them everywhere.'" -L.M. Montgomery, Anne of the Island

Random Musing
I graduated from the University of Michigan with a Bachelor of Arts degree today. A milestone - as everyone keeps on telling me. It doesn't exactly feel like a huge milestone when I have no real post-graduation plans. It also doesn't even feel entirely real given that I graduated after three years, which means the vast majority of my friends still have a year to go (aka: they didn't partake in graduation festivities with me). I'm sure the disbelief will wear off soon though and I'll be able to sink straight on into panic as I search frantically for a job. Particularly as I've realized that the only real difference in my life from yesterday to today is that I've gone from being a "student" to simply being one of the many "unemployed." Sigh. Yep, you guessed correctly ladies and gentlemen, this is yet another cheery view on life from Nazifa Islam. Over and out until next time.

On Friendship #13

Quotation
"'There is so little real friendship in the world!'" -Jane Austen, Persuasion

Happy Birthday To Me

Quotation
"That kind of crying, deep into a pillow, does not happen after we are twenty-one." -Daphne Du Maurier, Rebecca

Random Musing
I turned twenty-one today. The only quote I had relating to the age twenty-one is kind of depressing. I guess it's rather fitting considering my usual gloomy outlook on life? I dunno. I'm not going to pretend to have an explanation for that.

she wears grey

Random Musing
My poetry tutorial doesn't have too many requirements. Four poems submitted every two weeks and - if you want to (so it's not really even a requirement so much as a strongly-pressed suggestion) - constructing a book of poetry by the end of the term. So while the four poems/week are the bulk of the work for the class, this book of poetry is kind of like the class' final.

For my book I decided I would compile my collection of Rosemary poems. I chose the title she wears grey for the collection, managed to get my graphic-designing-fiend sister to do all of the artwork, bought a lot of nice paper and PVA glue from Hollanders, took my files over to Kolossos Printing, and youtubed do-it-yourself book binding. While I didn't construct a book binding jig, I managed to figure out how to do what I needed with the following supplies: two very heavy books (it can be very convenient to have a roommate who's pre-med), two binder clips, cotton swabs, and an exacto knife.

I'm pretty happy with the final product. Here are a few pictures for your viewing pleasure:




I only made seven copies originally, but since some friends have expressed interest in buying copies I'm probably going to do a second printing. I'd just give them away but I'm a broke and soon-to-be-graduating college senior, so that's just not feasible.

So copies are selling for $11 each. If anyone reading this is interested in owning my first chapbook, let me know - I'm sure we can figure something out. The US postal system is a wonderful thing.

Rest in Peace Diana Wynne Jones

Quotation
"'Dead?' said Sophie. She had a silly impulse to add, But she was alive an hour ago! And she stopped herself, because death is like that: people are alive until they die." -Diana Wynne Jones, Howl's Moving Castle

Random Musing
The above quote just keeps on being relevant. And it's sadly more than suited for this particular post.

I'm up writing a paper for my American Adolescence class. It's supposed to be 6-7 pages long and I'm only starting on page 4. Woo-hoo. I've just had coffee for the first time in months. Insomniacs don't generally need coffee. But tonight I did. So now I can be awake to fully process the horror of the discovery that Diana Wynne Jones passed away on March 26, 2011 and I only just found out.

She was my favorite fantasy author - responsible for the brilliance that is Howl's Moving Castle and Dark Lord of Derkholm, not to mention so many other wonderful books. She was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2009. Knowing this I've actually been checking her wiki page and searching the news every so often to see how she's been doing. I swear I just wiki-d her a few weeks ago and she hadn't passed away yet. It must have been just days before she did.

So of course now, in the midst of essay-writing procrastination, I discover that she died two weeks ago. Ugh. I'm sad. And I feel like a bad fan for only finding out now. Sigh. Irrational? Maybe...

Now there's nothing literary that I'm all excited about looking forward to. (Well, it'd be really awesome if they published all of the work J.D. Salinger'd been hoarding, but who knows when that's going to happen.) I don't want her to be dead. Yeah, mature thought, I know. I don't care. This year is stupid. (Lesson: Nazifa gets less and less sophisticated as the night hours pass by. Bodes well for my essay.) So many people have passed away. I didn't post about it in light of what happened with Erica Teevens, but Brian Jacques died on February 5th. So I guess 2011 is the Year of Beloved-Childhood-Authors-Biting-the-Dust. Or maybe it's just the Year of Beloved-People-Biting-the-Dust. Who knows.

Back to essay writing. I am so not in the mood for this.

On Love #13

Quotation
"'Don't take it away! It's only a fancy, but a man must love something…'" -Louisa May Alcott, Jo's Boys

On Words #11

Quotation
"'…for words also belong to the sheltering conception of light and order which is our refuge.'" -Joseph Conrad, Lord Jim

On Happiness #22

Quotation
"…Elizabeth, agitated and confused, rather knew that she was happy, than felt herself to be so…" -Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

Dreams and Dreaming #8

Quotation
"…what splendid dreams young people build upon a word, and how bitter is the pain when the bright bubbles burst." -Louisa May Alcott, Jo's Boys

A Dash of Romance

Quotations
"Elizabeth's spirit's soon rising to playfulness again, she wanted Mr. Darcy to account for his having ever fallen in love with her. 'How could you begin?' said she. 'I can comprehend your going on charmingly, when you had once made a beginning; but what could set you off in the first place?'
'I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.'" -Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

"'I am happier than Jane; she only smiles, I laugh. Mr. Darcy sends you all the love in the world that he can spare from me.'" -Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

"My mother then said she wished she knew why she had married him, and would like still more to know why he had married her.
My father said, 'You were so lovely — you've no idea.'" -Elizabeth Bowen, "Songs My Father Sang Me"

"'I have given my heart to another,' he repeated over and over again to himself." -Edward Rice Burroughs, Tarzan of the Apes

"They fell in love for no reason at all, in the park, on a bench…" -Graham Greene, "When Greek Meets Greek"

"'Forgive me. Don't love me any more. Yes. Love me. Love me.'" -Katherine Mansfield, "Je ne parle pas français"

"For they might be parted for hundreds of years, she and Peter; she never wrote a letter and his were dry sticks; but suddenly it would come over her, If he were with me now what would he say? — some days, some sights bringing him back to her calmly, without the old bitterness; which perhaps was the reward of having cared for people…" -Virginia Woolf, Mrs. Dalloway

"'You've destroyed my loneliness.'" -Virginia Woolf, Night and Day

Vesper: I can't resist waking you. Every time I do you look at me as if you hadn't seen me in years. Makes me feel reborn.
-Casino Royale

Ashley: She's the only dream I ever had that didn't die in the face of reality.
-Gone With the Wind

Mr. Darcy: If, however, your feelings have changed. I would have to tell you, you have bewitched me body and soul, and I love— I love— I love you.
-Pride & Prejudice

Harry: I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend a day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes, and I love that you are the last person I wanna talk to before I go to sleep at night.
-When Harry Met Sally…

Harry: I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody you want the rest of you life to start as soon as possible.
-When Harry Met Sally…

Happy Birthday Erica Teevens

Quotation
"…possessed of that indescribable charm called grace." -Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

Random Musing
She would have been 20 years old today.

This Is Hamlet

Random Musing
My sister Namira bought a duckling to cheer me up since the past month has been pretty rough. Together we decided to name him Hamlet. He's pretty adorable. And a lot less messy/work than an actual live ducky. Not that I wouldn't want a live ducky - it'd be even fuzzier. And who says "no" to fuzzier?

Good News (for a change)

Random Musing
"When the World Gets Wise" was published in The Michigan Daily's annual Literary Issue today. And while there were some formatting issues with how they printed it - some of the spacing wasn't exactly what I intended - it's nonetheless exciting to see a poem in print. Especially when it got it's own full page.

Rest in Peace Diane Wells

Random Musing
I found out today that one of my supervisors from work passed away on Friday, March 4th. And while I love all of my supervisors - they honestly make going to work much less of a chore than otherwise - Diane was my favorite. She would schedule you for the south circulation desk if you had a lot of homework to do (it's very quiet there during late night shifts) or keep you at the north desk so you could talk to your friends. She was so incredibly accommodating. I mean, one semester I used to always take my 15 minutes break right as my friend Sahrish was getting off her shift. Diane let us work it out that way so me and Sahrish could go get pizza together every week. Not everyone you work with is that nice.

She'd been on medical leave since maybe October but I had no idea she was seriously sick. I'd actually heard that she was coming back to the library in January. When that didn't happen though, me and Sahrish talked a bit about visiting her. Unfortunately we never got around to it. The closest we'll get to saying anything to her now is the memorial site made in her honor. She was a really wonderful person.

This has been a really awful month.

Irreconcilable?

Quotations
"'Thank goodness, we can choose our friends. We have to take our relatives as they are, and be thankful…'" -L.M. Montgomery, Anne's House of Dreams

"'…but ye don't be choosing frinds after all. They come to ye…or they don't. Just that. Ye get the ones meant for you, be they minny or few, in the time appinted for their coming.'" -L.M. Montgomery, Pat of Silver Bush

Sylvia Plath Audio

Random Musing
I love Sylvia Plath. That's probably not news. As is also probably common knowledge, she committed suicide at the age of 30. What might be a little less well known is that upon her death she left behind the manuscript of Ariel, her most famous collection of poetry.

While the volume wasn't published until two years after her death, there are some existing recordings of her reading poems from the collection. These recordings include a reading of my favorite poem ever "Lady Lazarus," as well as what is probably Plath's most famous poem "Daddy." In addition to those two, I'm also adding the recording for "Fever 103" - just to highlight a poem of hers that is a tad less mainstream. So here is Sylvia Plath for your listening pleasure:

"Lady Lazarus" (fyi: The recorded version of the poem is actually a bit different from the officially published version)


"Daddy"


"Fever 103"

Right Now.

Quotations
1. "'I don't have much time, I have to haul corpses.  I don't have much time, I have to breathe, eat, drink, sleep.  I don't have much time, I have to keep the gears meshing.  I don't have much time, I'm busy living.  I don't have much time, I'm busy dying.  As you can imagine, there were no more questions.'" -Roberto Bolaño, 2666 (Translated by Natasha Wimmer)

2. "'Why isn't the wind happy, Mummy?' asked Walter one night.
'Because it is remembering all the sorrow of the world since time began,' answered Anne." -L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Ingleside

3. "'…I know it's good for me. Horrible things always are good for you, I suppose. After you've been killed a few times you don't mind it. But the first time one does — squirm.'" -L.M. Montgomery, Emily's Quest

4. "'Just because somebody's dead, you don't just stop liking them, for God's sake — especially if they were about a thousand times nicer than the people you know that're alive and all.'" -J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

5. "…and come back, come back, come back to me." -Virginia Woolf, Jacob's Room

6. "One can get over anything in time." -Katherine Mansfield, "The Canary"

7. "'It makes me very sad at times to think about her. But really, Marilla, one can't stay sad very long in such an interesting world, can one?'" -L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

Random Musing
Sticking quotes #6 and #7 in there is kind of misleading. I don't feel that way. Not at all. That's just how I think I'll probably feel one day. Or how I hope I'll feel one day. That's "one day," not "right now." Right now I'm just hoping that I'll eventually get to a point where the world seems utterly interesting. Or even remotely interesting. Cause it doesn't right now. Instead it seems surreal and sad and inexplicable.

I guess what I'm saying is that what I find so awful about right now is that no matter what else is going on in life the one all-consuming feeling I have can essentially be summed up by:

                 "…wondering what God had wrought when He made life so sad."

Dreams and Dreaming #7

Quotation
"Grown people were so strangely oblivious to the truly important things of life.  Material for new garments, of night or day, could be bought in any shop for a trifling sum and made up out of hand.  But if a dream escape you, in what market-place the wide world over can you hope to regain it?  What coin of earthly minting will ever buy back for you that lost and lovely vision?" -L.M. Montgomery, The Story Girl

On Words #10

Quotation
"…she knew few words and believed in none,…" -F. Scott Fitzgerald, Tender Is The Night

On Friendship #12

Quotation
"'There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature. My attachments are always excessively strong.'" -Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey

On Love #12

Quotation
"'Oh, no, no, I couldn't hurt her by loving her.'
'I'm not so sure of that,' muttered Old Grandmother, who was constantly saying things Marigold was to understand twenty years later." -L.M. Montgomery, Magic for Marigold

On Happiness #21

Quotation
"'I suppose one gets a habit of doing without happiness or hope.'" -George Eliot, Middlemarch

The Trouble With Afterwards

Quotations
"'I'm not afraid, but it seems as if I should be homesick for you even in heaven.'" -Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

"'Heaven must be very beautiful, of course, the Bible says so — but, Anne, it won't be what I've been used to.'" -L.M. Montgomery, Anne of the Island

"'…and he wasn't reconciled to dying. Dora told him he was going to a better world. "Mebbe, mebbe," says poor Ben, "but I'm sorter used to the imperfections of this one."'" -L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Windy Poplars

Rest in Peace Erica Teevens

Quotations
"…she was one of those happily created beings who please without effort, make friends everywhere, and take life so gracefully and easily that less fortunate souls are tempted to believe that such are born under a lucky star." -Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

"'She looks just as music sounds, I think,' answered Anne." -L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Avonlea

"'Dead?' said Sophie. She had a silly impulse to add, But she was alive an hour ago! And she stopped herself, because death is like that: people are alive until they die."
-Diana Wynne Jones, Howl's Moving Castle

Random Musing
Erica Teevens passed away on February 8, 2011. It's almost too ridiculous and horrible to believe.

On Marriage

Quotations
"'…marriage, they say, halves one's rights and doubles one's duties.'" -Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

"'…for I look upon the Frasers to be about as unhappy as most other married people.'" -Jane Austen, Mansfield Park

"'Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance.'" -Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

"Her marriage to Leonce Pontellier was purely an accident, in this respect resembling many other marriages which masquerade as the decrees of Fate." -Kate Chopin, The Awakening

"'"For better, for worse."' That sounds wonderful…but is there really such a thing as love in the world? We all believe it until we are twenty. Why, I used to believe it. Before I married Ramsay I used to lie awake at nights to think about him. Well, I did it after we were married, too, but not for the same reason. It was to wonder what woman he was with. I wonder how his new marriage is turning out. Sometimes I think I was a fool to divorce him. A home and position means a good deal.'" -L.M. Montgomery, The Blythes are Quoted

"And I knew that in spite of all the roses and kisses and restaurant dinners a man showered on a woman before he married her, what he secretly wanted when the wedding service ended was for her to flatten out underneath his feet like Mrs. Willard's kitchen mat." -Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

"…there's nothing in the world so bad for some women as marriage…" -Virginia Woolf, Mrs. Dalloway

"But such things happen to every one. Every one has friends who were killed in the War. Every one gives up something when they marry." -Virginia Woolf, Mrs. Dalloway

"For at any rate, she said to herself...she need not marry, thank Heaven: she need not undergo that degradation." -Virginia Woolf, To the Lighthouse

"A married state affords but little ease
The best of husbands are so hard to please.
This in wives' careful faces you may spell
Though they dissemble their misfortunes well.
A virgin state is crowned with much content;
It's always happy as it's innocent.
No blustering husbands to create your fears;
No pangs of child birth to extort your tears;
No children's cries for to offend your ears;
Few worldly crosses to distract your prayers:
Thus are you freed from all the cares that do
Attend on matrimony and a husband too.
Therefore Madam, be advised by me
Turn, turn apostate to love's levity,
Suppress wild nature if she dare rebel.
There' s no such thing as leading apes in hell." -Katherine Philips, "A Married State"

Maggie: Don't you believe in marriage?
Jane: Yes, for women.
-The Women (1939)

On Words #9

Quotation
"'I like good strong words that mean something…'" -Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

On Happiness #20

Quotation
"'Dear me! how happy and good we'd be, if we had no worries!'" -Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

From Easy A

Random Musing
I saw Easy A last weekend. It was hilarious. I am a big fan. I'm thinking about buying it. Jury's still out on that though. I'll keep you posted.

So there's this clip from the movie that cracks me up no matter how many times I've seen it. I've been watching it over and over again all day, which I freely admit is mildly weird. I don't care.

Here it is. It's funny. Go get the movie and watch it. Now. Go. Do it. Now.

The Great Gatbsy (2012)

Random Musing
This horrifies me. I mean, actually horrifies me.

I really love Baz Luhrmann - Moulin Rouge is a beyond amazing film and he has great flair as a director - but if he does this I'm going to have to rethink my adoration. 3D is that awful.

Sigh. This is so depressing. And I was so excited about this movie. Fingers crossed that this doesn't happen.

And once more, with feeling: sigh.

Blog Recommendations

Random Musing
I really like reading blogs. They're fun, and a pleasant change from spending your time online stalking people on facebook. Don't try to pretend you don't - repeat after me: "I must not tell lies" (J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - there, I managed to slip a quote in). So I thought I'd share a short list of blogs that I enjoy reading.

1. Schizopanda is actually my little sister's blog. She's a pretty funny blogger, though I admit that I'm a bit biased.

2. Inspirationed is a friend of mine's blog. Besides life experiences and thoughts, he'll also post poems on occasion. I enjoy his work so perhaps you will as well.

3. Post-It Poets is a blog that sprung from my Writing Poetry class. The professor split the class into three groups and each group was supposed to have its own little poetry project. It could be doing collaborative poetry or just workshopping, whatever the group wanted to do - we were pretty much left to our own devices. My poetry group decided to do some post-it poetry (visit the blog to figure out what that means exactly), and the blog became a way of documenting that poetry as well as helping us reach out to a larger poetry community.

4. Damian Rogers is the blog of a published poet from Detroit - currently living in Toronto - who graduated from the University of Michigan.

5. Dorothea Lasky is the official blog of poet Dorothea Lasky - as you probably already figured out.

I wish the list was longer but not too many people I know blog regularly - or even semi-regularly. If anyone has a suggestion for a blog (or blogs) to check out, let me know.

Semester Wrap Up

Random Musing
My penultimate semester at the University of Michigan has finally come to a close. I am very relieved. Though simultaneously sorta freaked out. One more semester until graduation. Sigh. A bit of information for all of you: graduating in three years is not a great idea.

Anyways, in the spirit of avoiding thinking about the horror that is my future: All of my final papers were due sometime last week and I don't think any of them went horribly (fingers crossed!). Plus, my last finals (Physics 107 and The Victorian Novel) were on Wednesday. Four and a half straight hours of exams. Those were fun times.

I think both of them went pretty well actually. I already got my grade back on the Victorian Novel final (which went very well, by the way) but we only got a final grade back in physics so I can't say for sure what I got on the final exam. Considering that this exam was worth 40% of my final grade though, that I was at a solid B beforehand, and that I ended up with a B+ in the class, I think it must have gone well. And while a B+ might not satisfy a lot of over achievers out there, I was more than happy with it.

Physics 107: 20th Concepts of Space, Time and Matter has been the bane of my existence this semester. I hate physics. Admittedly, my experience with it is limited to a high school physics class and this one college course, but I'd like to think that doesn't make my opinion any less valid. While the professor for the class was a very nice man, he's not particularly talented when it comes to teaching. And subatomic particles are boring. Fact.

I only took the class because I needed to fulfill my quantitative reasoning requirement for graduation. It was this or statistics and given that this class was three hours a week and stats was four hours a week, physics seemed like the best option. I don't regret choosing physics, cause I do think I would've hated stats more, but it didn't make this a fun semester. It was too much work that I had absolutely no interest in doing.

I will not be taking any similar classes (aka: science/math classes) next semester. It's my last semester at UM, and lucky enough, I get to take classes that I'm actually interested in. Jane Austen, American Adolescence, Modern British Literature and a poetry tutorial make up my class schedule; 15 credits, 9.5 hours of class (yay for RC classes), and class only three days a week: Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. It's all very final semester of college. And while I'm excited about all of my classes, I'm especially looking forward to the poetry tutorial.

It's a half hour a week to discuss your poetry one on one with a particular professor. You read that right. Half an hour of class. And it does get me four credits. I find this very happy. I'm taking my tutorial with Ken Mikolowski, who was the professor of my Writing Poetry class this past semester, which I really really enjoyed. I'm excited to work more closely with him on my writing.

Before doing any real work (well, academic work) whatsoever though, I'm enjoying my winter break. No class, or class-related activities until January. Tis an exciting prospect.

I'm actually going to be sticking around Ann Arbor until the 23rd - even if I am done with academia for the year. I decided to take the opportunity to make some money instead of just heading back to Novi. So now I'm working some long evenings at the library. This shouldn't be too awful since most people will either be gone for break, or studying for finals and thus not harassing all of us wonderful individuals at circulation. I figure I'll be able to finish a couple of books while at work. The only issue this raises is what I'm going to read. I'm just about done rereading Harry Potter - which I'll reassure you is just as delightful as you remember it being - so I need to move onto something else. This is the kind of problem I like dealing with. Really beats figuring out what a proton decays into.

Dorothea Lasky Black Life Interview

                                  The Potato Eaters by Vincent van Gogh

Dorothea Lasky is an American poet from St. Louis who has authored two collections of poetry to date: AWE and Black Life. She is a graduate of the MFA program for Poets and Writers at the University of Massachusetts-Amherst and has also been educated at Harvard University and Washington University. Her poetry has appeared in The New Yorker, The Paris Review, Boston Review, Lungfull!, and Carve as well as among other publications. She has taught poetry at New York University, the Fashion Institute of Technology, The New England Institute of Art, Health Elementary School, and the Munroe Center for the Arts. She has also done educational research at the Harvard Museum of Natural History, the Philadelphia Zoo, and Project Zero. She is currently researching creativity and education at the University of Pennsylvania.

Nazifa Islam: Before I ask any specific questions about the book, I was wondering if you could enlighten me as to what your creative process is like. I know that's probably a question that you've been asked a lot, and it is fairly generic, but I’m curious about how you view the whole writing process.

1. Do you have a specific idea when you start a poem - something you want to accomplish? Or do you start a poem not knowing what the direction's going to be, and just see what happens? Or is it a mixture of both, depending on the poem?

Dorothea Lasky: I don’t have an idea of where a poem will go exactly when I start to write it. I think intuition is extremely important to the creative process and it is intuition that fuels a poem for me. I think it is ok to have an idea when you start a poem, but I don’t think you should be in control of the direction a poem will go to entirely.

2. How do you approach compiling a book of poetry?

D.L.: I view it thematically. So, I try to find themes (colors, images, content) in my poems and arrange a book around these. Sometimes there are larger themes and then sub-themes. In some ways, I see a book as a narrative and I want to tell some sort of overarching story. But less a story with a beginning, middle, and end, than a lesson.

3. In regards to Black Life, did you compile poems that seemed to speak to a certain tone or (set of) topic(s), or was there an initial idea in place for the book which meant writing poems to accommodate that idea?

D.L.: I think that both the poems with a certain tone and the theme of the book happened simultaneously. The line that starts the book and is the title “No Milk/Black Life” comes from a prompt the poet Laura Solomon told me about. She said she and a friend were playing around with the lines and trying to imagine what scene might go with such lines. The scenes they imagined were very bleak. When she told me the lines, I immediately imagined a very sad scene of a mother and son, at the depths of poverty, sitting in a dark room (done up in the colors and mood of Van Gogh’s The Potato Eaters). In my imagined scene, the mother opens the refrigerator door and there is no food. The boy then says “No Milk/Black Life” and smiles eerily. After I had this vision, I knew it was a great title for the book. I started arranging my already very sad poems around this theme and adding in the color black and the term black life when appropriate. I also wrote new poems with this title in mind.

N.I.: Still in regards to your "creative process": I noticed while reading AWE, that certain poems actually included lines repeated verbatim from Sylvia Plath poems. I'm having a hard time remembering exactly which poems these were, but the quotations "devilish leopard" and "the pure gold baby that melts to a shriek" (or a variation on that line) come to mind.

D.L.: Sure. Yes, you are correct.

N.I.: I'm a Sylvia Plath fan myself, and I found the inclusion of such, say homage, to her in your poetry really exciting. So when reading Black Life I tried to pay attention to whether or not there was any similar repetition of Plath lines. I only picked up on "lemon water" from "Fat" though - which might not actually be at all related to Plath. So I'm curious on a couple of fronts:

4. Whether or not "lemon water" was an (intentional?) reference to Plath's "Fever 103"?

D.L.: Yes. And thank you for noticing. “Fever 103 degrees” is one of my favorite poems. Lemon water seems like such a wretched thing in Plath’s poem. I feel like that is the way Anorexia feels.

5. Whether you purposefully set out to include such references in your poetry, or if they simply come organically and then seem to fit in the poem? Or maybe your writing process is even a mixture of both the organic and inorganic?

D.L.: My writing process is a mixture of both, yes. I think it would be completely misleading of me to assert that my poems have no forethought or structure in them—that they are in fact “inorganic” as you say. But my writing process is largely organic. I believe in the importance of the organic component of poetry very vehemently.

N.I.: I really enjoyed your prose poem "The Poetry That Is Going to Matter After You Are Dead." The first line definitely hooked me - Sylvia Plath is my favorite poet as well - and I felt that your description of who she is as a poet was spot on. The poem quickly moves from discussing Plath to talking about the poem's speaker, and then to discussing what exactly poems which are worth remembering are composed of. Reading through the poem, a couple of questions came to mind:

6. What was your thought process behind constructing the poem as a prose poem as opposed to in more traditional stanza form?

D.L.: I wanted the poem to be relentless and I think prose poems are relentless, because there is no room for line break/breath.

7. Was the poem always a prose poem, or was it at one point a more traditional (aka: composed of stanzas) poem?

D.L.: It was always a prose poem.

8. In your opinion, does prose poetry lend itself to any particular subject matter, or to a specific tone when writing?

D.L.: I think a prose poem is like riding a train that’s gone off the tracks.

9. Is the poem/Can the poem been seen as a plea for the ideals of modernism and romanticism to be more a part of poetry today than they currently are?

D.L.: It can in part, but it is also meant to be a little jab at these ideals as well. I do greatly love the work of the Modernists and the Romantics. I especially love the Modernists.

N.I.: The fact that the speaker discusses his/herself as a poet in the poem - which happens rather frequently throughout various poems in the collection actually - made me curious about your choice to discuss the writing of poetry within your poems. You don't shy away from stating that the poem which the reader is reading - or which is addressing a particular individual or audience - is in fact a poem. There's a transparency between the speaker, the subject matter and even the reader throughout the book's poems.

10. Was this transparency something you intentionally created throughout the book, or something you set out to accomplish when writing?

D.L.: I am interested in what happens when the fourth wall has already been ostensibly broken. How then do you bring the author back in? And, I also see the lifelong process of being a poet as enacting a long-term relationship with your reader. It ebbs and flows, gets more and less intimate, but it is a bond no matter what, and a bond that is effectively unbreakable if you continue to write poems.

11. If so, what exactly was the rationale behind writing poems that were constructed in this manner?

D.L.: To continue to build on what can be done with direct address.

12. Whether or not you did intentionally set out to create this relationship between the poem's speaker/subject/reader, do you think that this relationship accomplishes anything in particular that could not have been done if you did not explicitly state within various poems that your poems are poems?

D.L.: I think the honestly takes away the barrier and the pretense. I think pretense keeps some readers away from poetry unnecessarily. I think that some might interpret this relationship as a call towards something opposite to artifice, but this is not what I meant to do. I hope my poem “Style is Joy” might explain this a bit.

N.I.: I noticed throughout the book that colors and animals kept reappearing, often within the same poem ("Yellowbird" and "Green" for example).

13. Do you find that particular colors lend themselves to particular poems? (A generic example would be that black is appropriate in poems with a more melancholic tone.)

D.L.: I like to constantly see what colors can do. I definitely don’t think that colors have set and/or defined tones (black as melancholic, etc.). Colors lend energy to particular poems. What is a poem without colors? Certainly not one I want to read.

14. Do you have a process by which you decide which color you're going to use in a poem? Is green the appropriate color in "Green" for a particular reason?

D.L.: I don’t have a set process. For that particular poem, I chose that color because I noticed a lot of green in Noelle Kocot’s book The Raving Fortune. And because the poem deals with youth and green has many connotations there obviously.

15. How does the use of animals function in your poetry? Kind of mimicking the above question, why did you choose otters for "Me and the Otters"?

D.L.: Animals are very important in my poems. I wish I could give a really great reason for using otters (other than they are so cute and I used to work in a zoo and watch them). One important reason was a play on “Me and the Others.”

16. Is the title supposed to be a sort of more whimsical rendition of "me and the others"? And did the poem's title come before or after you wrote it? I'm curious because there is no mention of otters in the poem until almost the very end.

D.L.: Hehe, I guess I answered this already. The poem’s title came before and then I put it in towards the end. Sometimes I do that to create unity in a poem. It’s an old trick, I think.

N.I.: Religion, or faith, also seems to play an important role throughout Black Life. It's mentioned in various poems, including "Nuns" or course, and seems to be lauded in "The Poetry That Is Going to Matter After You Are Dead."

17. Would you say that the importance of faith is a theme in Black Life?

D.L.: Faith is very important to both Black Life and my first book, AWE. It is important to Black Life, because the book is a struggle against nihilism.

18. If theme seems like too strong a word, would it be fair to say that the book at least discusses faith in some way?

D.L.: Yes, I think it does.

19. Did you set out to discuss faith when writing, or did it just organically emerge in your poetry?

D.L.: Again, my tendency is to say organically.

*Dorothea Lasky was kind enough to answer my questions via email.

Fear Me!

Quotations
"'Fear is the original sin,' wrote John Foster. 'Almost all the evil in the world has its origin in the fact that some one is afraid of something. It is a cold, slimy serpent coiling about you. It is horrible to live with fear; and it is of all things degrading.'" -L.M. Montgomery, The Blue Castle

"But while there was life there was fear." -L.M. Montgomery, The Blue Castle

"He was afraid of the world. It was such a huge world and he was so terribly small in it." -L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Ingleside

"You have to listen to women.  You should never ignore a woman's fears." -Roberto Bolaño (Translated by Natasha Wimmer), 2666

"'And after all, one does not die of it.' 'Die of what?' I asked swiftly. 'Of being afraid.'" -Joseph Conrad, Lord Jim

"'It is natural to be afraid…'" -J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

"…I will show you fear in a handful of dust…." -T.S. Eliot, "The Waste Land"

"…I have to be protected
Because I am so afraid" -Dorothea Lasky, "Two Doors to Hell"

"…Live things are what the world is made of
Live things are black
Black in that they forget where they came from
I have not forgotten, however I choose not to feel
Those places that have burned into me
There is too much burning here, I'm afraid
Readers, you read flat words
Inside here are many moments
In which I have screamed in pain
As the flames ate me" -Dorothea Lasky, "Jakob"

Francesca: It isn't human not to be lonely and it isn't human not to be afraid.
-The Bridges of Madison County

Random Musing
I don't actually think you should fear me. I was just in the mood for theatrics. Felt I should explain that. Make sure you know I'm not going power hungry and losing my mind or anything. I just finished re-reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, so I'm blaming the mood on a large dose of Voldemort.

Anyways, Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

On Poetry

Quotations
"'Look, do you see that poem?' she said suddenly, pointing." -L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Avonlea

"'I should rather call it a picture,' said Jane. 'A poem is lines and verses.'
'Oh dear me, no.' Anne shook her head with its fluffy wild cherry coronal positively. 'The lines and verses are only the outward garments of the poem and are no more really it than your ruffles and flounces are you Jane. The real poem is the soul within them…and that beautiful bit is the soul of an unwritten poem. It is not every day one sees a soul…even of a poem.'" -L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Avonlea

"Everybody who has ever lived in the world and could string two rhymes together has written a poem on spring. It is the most be-rhymed subject in the world – and always will be, because it is poetry incarnate itself. You can never be a real poet if you haven't made at least one poem about spring." -L.M. Montgomery, Emily of New Moon

"I used to read everything, Professor, I read all the time.  Now all I read is poetry.  Poetry is the one thing that isn't contaminated, the one thing that isn't part of the game.  I don't know if you follow me, Professor.  Only poetry – and let me be clear, only some of it – is good for you, only poetry isn't shit." -Roberto Bolaño (Translated by Natasha Wimmer), 2666

"'To be a poet is to have a soul so quick to discern, that no shade of quality escapes it, and so quick to feel, that discernment is but a hand playing with finely ordered variety on the chords of emotion – a soul in which knowledge passes instantaneously into feeling, and feeling flashes back as a new organ of knowledge. One may have that condition by fits only.'" -George Eliot, Middlemarch

"'I don't know. Poets are always taking the weather so personally. They're always sticking their emotions in things that have no emotions.'" -J.D. Salinger, "Teddy," Nine Stories

"…a poem is like a rare little watch: alter the delicate juxtaposition of cogs, and it just may not tick." -Sylvia Plath, Letters Home

"For some reason, no one likes to be told that they do not read enough poetry…" -Virginia Woolf, Night and Day

People Should Read

Quotations
"For her, reading was directly linked to pleasure, not to knowledge or enigmas or constructions or verbal labyrinths…" -Roberto Bolaño (Translated by Natasha Wimmer), 2666

"Fate imagined the masseur reading in a dark room and a shudder passed through him.  It must be something like happiness, he thought." -Roberto Bolaño (Translated by Natasha Wimmer), 2666

"Reading is pleasure and happiness to be alive or sadness to be alive and above all it's knowledge and questions." -Roberto Bolaño (Translated by Natasha Wimmer), 2666

"'What a relief to give up literature, to give up writing and simply read!'" -Roberto Bolaño (Translated by Natasha Wimmer), 2666

"Madeleine had become an English major for the purest and dullest of reasons: because she loved to read." -Jeffrey Eugenides, "Extreme Solitude"

These Are Writers

Quotations
"'I wonder why people so commonly suppose that if two individuals are both writers they must therefore be hugely congenial,' said Anne, rather scornfully. 'Nobody would expect two blacksmiths to be violently attracted towards each other merely because they were both blacksmiths.'" -L.M. Montgomery, Anne's House of Dreams

"But there is a destiny which shapes the ends of young misses who are born with the itch for writing tingling in their baby fingertips…" -L.M. Montgomery, Emily of New Moon

"Younger than Morini and Pelletier, Espinoza studied Spanish literature, not German literature, at least for the first two years of his university career, among other sad reasons because he dreamed of being a writer." -Roberto Bolaño (Translated by Natasha Wimmer), 2666

"These weren't comforting nights, much less pleasant ones, but Espinoza discovered two things that helped him mightily in the early days: he would never be a fiction writer, and, in his own way, he was brave." -Roberto Bolaño (Translated by Natasha Wimmer), 2666

"Ivanov's fear was of a literary nature.  That is, it was the fear that afflicts most citizens who, after fine (or dark) day, choose to make the practice of writing, and especially the practice of fiction writing, an integral part of their lives.  Fear of being no good.  Also fear of being overlooked.  But above all, fear of being no good.  Fear that one's efforts and striving will come to nothing.  Fear of the step that leaves no trace.  Fear of the forces of chance and nature that wipe away shallow prints.  Fear of the dining alone and unnoticed.  Fear of going unrecognized.  Fear of failure and making a spectacle of oneself.  But above all, fear of being no good.  Fear of forever dwelling in the hell of bad writers." -Roberto Bolaño (Translated by Natasha Wimmer), 2666

"See you at the Nobel, writers say, as one might say: see you in hell." -Roberto Bolaño (Translated by Natasha Wimmer), 2666

"Play and delusion are the blindfold and spur of minor writers.  Also: the promise of their future happiness." -Roberto Bolaño (Translated by Natasha Wimmer), 2666

"…You wanted to be a writer.
Wanted to write? What was it within you
Had to tell its tale?…" -Ted Hughes, "The God"

This is Writing

Quotations
"'The p'int of good writing is to know when to stop.'" -L.M. Montgomery, Anne's House of Dreams

"The thing about writing is not to talk, but to do it; no matter how bad or even mediocre it is, the process and production is the thing, not the sitting and theorizing about how one should write ideally, or how well on could write if one really wanted to or had the time." -Sylvia Plath, Letters Home

"Writing sharpens life; life enriches writing." -Sylvia Plath, Letters Home

"When I say I must write, I don't mean I must publish. There is a great difference." -Sylvia Plath, Letters Home

"…Writing, meanwhile, is almost always empty.  There's nothing in the guts of a the man who sits there writing." -Roberto Bolaño (Translated by Natasha Wimmer), 2666

"It seems to me possible, perhaps desirable, that I may be the only person in this room who has committed the folly of writing, trying to write, or failing to write, a novel. And when I asked myself, as your invitation to speak to you about modern fiction made me ask myself, what demon whispered in my ear and urged me to my doom, a little figure rose before me – the figure of a man, or of a woman, who said, 'My name is Brown. Catch me if you can.'
Most novelists have the same experience. Some Brown, Smith, or Jones comes before them and says in the most seductive and charming way in the world, 'Come and catch me if you can.' And so, led on by this will-o'-the-wisp, they flounder through volume after volume, spending the best years of their lives in the pursuit, and receiving for the most part very little cash in exchange. Few catch the phantom; most have to be content with a scrap of her dress or a wisp of her hair." -Virginia Woolf, "Character in Fiction"

Dreams and Dreaming #6

Quotation
"'I've a pocket full of dreams to sell,' said Teddy whimsically, with a new, unaccountable gaiety of voice and manner. 'What d'ye lack? What d'ye lack? A dream of success – a dream of adventure – a dream of the sea – a dream of the woodland – any kind of dream you want at reasonable prices, including one or two unique little nightmares. What will you give me for a dream?'" -L.M. Montgomery, Emily Climbs

On Dying

Quotations
"'Going out – out beyond the dawn. Past the morning star. Used to think I'd be frightened. Not frightened. Funny. Think how much I'm going to know – in just a few more minutes, Emily. Wiser than anybody else living. Always wanted to know – to know. Never liked guesses. Done with curiosity – about life. Just curious now – about death. I'll know the truth, Emily – just a few more minutes and I'll know the – truth. No more guessing.'" -L.M. Montgomery, Emily's Quest

"'I don't want to die now!' he yelled.  'I've still got a headache!  I don't want to go to heaven with a headache, I'd be all cross and wouldn't enjoy it!'" -Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"'I'll never die,' the baroness said once to Archimboldi.  'Or I'll die at ninety-five, which is the same as never dying.'" -Roberto Bolaño (Translated by Natasha Wimmer), 2666

"When the commonplace 'We must all die' transforms itself suddenly into the acute consciousness 'I must die – and soon', then death grapples us, and his fingers are cruel; afterwards, he may come to fold us in his arms as our mother did, and our last moment of dim earthly discerning may be like the first." -George Eliot, Middlemarch

"…Darkling I listen; and, for many a time
     I have been half in love with easeful Death,
Call'd him soft names in many a mused rhyme,
     To take into the air my quiet breath;
Now more than ever seems it rich to die,..." -John Keats, "Ode to a Nightingale"

On Happiness #19

Quotation
"'It seems to me that the sum of human happiness remains much the same from age to age, no matter how it may vary in distribution…'" -L.M. Montgomery, Rilla of Ingleside

On Friendship #11

Quotation
"I always enjoy giving love, and it is slightly painful to have it shut up in one until deep friendships develop with fruitful, reciprocal confidences involved." -Sylvia Plath, Letters Home

On Love #10

Quotation
"…If I really loved you
Well I do love you!
Love me too
My heart is so dear to me
I could have been someone
With this throbbing thing
Spilling its red dress everywhere
Making people laugh
I could have made them cry" -Dorothea Lasky, "The Journey"

Post DC

Random Musing
DC was spectacular.

Yes, the drive was long - a total twenty hours there and back I believe. Yes, after so many hours of walking around and standing my feet hurt. Yes, I didn't really get much sleep over the course of three days.

But roadtripping and walking around the city was incredibly fun, The National Gallery of Art was just beautiful - it's an amazing collection -, and the rally was so much fun. Just so much fun. It was a once in a lifetime experience and I'm so glad I got to go. I'm not going to attempt to explain why it was so great. Cause I'm pretty certain I would fail.

All I'm going to say is that it was Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert and a slew of amazing artists. Yusuf (Cat Stevens for those out there who weren't aware he converted to Islam in 1977 and changed his name to Yusuf Islam) was probably my favorite of those who were there. Colbert and Stewart singing was also a highlight - in a show full of highlights. "From the shores of Idaho to the shores of Kentucky." No joke.

So, in short, it was a pretty wonderful weekend. I hope that all of you out there - who graciously take the time to check in every once in a while - had excellent Halloween weekends as well!

Rabbit Hole

Random Musing
Rabbit Hole Trailer:


Nicole Kidman has a new movie coming out later this year. Rabbit Hole - based on the David Lindsay-Abaire play - will be in limited release December 17th and in wide release January 14th. So basically it'll be in New York and maybe LA on the 17th, while the rest of the US waits for the new year.

I'm a huge Nicole Kidman fan - I've quite literally seen all of her movies. I actually liked Bewitched (she starred and Nora Ephron wrote and directed - pretty great combo in my opinion), and even sat through The Invasion (which really was horrible). It doesn't matter if critics are ripping it apart (which has been the case for a while now sadly. Her last critically well received film was Cold Mountain in 2003), I will definitely want to see it. Positive critical response just means I get "justifiably" excited. And Rabbit Hole has already been getting lots of awards buzz. It's supposed to be really great.

My last bout of real movie excitement revolved around Never Let Me Go, which I finally got to see a couple of weeks ago. Sadly, it wasn't very good. It had beautiful cinematography and a great cast, but the screenplay was just awful. I honestly think that if I hadn't read the book beforehand I would have been really confused. The movie actually seemed to under-utilize its actors also. I felt like they were barely in the movie, which is strange when it's a character-driven plot and you have talent like Keira Knightley and Carey Mulligan.

Okay, Never Let Me Go mini rant over. My point is just that the last movie I was excited about proved disappointing. In fact, the last few movies I've been excited about have proved disappointing. Never Let Me Go, Alice in Wonderland, and Nine were all thoroughly mediocre. I'm hoping that Rabbit Hole finally breaks the pattern. Expect an update mid January. Only two and a half months to go. Sigh.

A Fairy Tale

Prose
"The Princess of the Green Valley"
     Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there was a small kingdom nestled in a green valley. It was a prosperous, peaceful kingdom which was ruled with loving care by its young King and Queen. These kind rulers were adored by their loyal subjects who wished them every possible happiness. And indeed the King and Queen had almost everything they could desire, for they loved their kingdom almost as much as they loved one another. Only one inestimable thing was missing from their lives: a child and royal heir to the throne. And as time passed, the years slowly giving way to decades, the chance that there ever would be one seemed to fade away.
     Then one dark stormy night, a small cry broke through the silence that had long ago descended on the royal castle. Steadied by the years, their noble visages faintly lined and their hair touched with grey, the King and Queen were finally blessed with a daughter. The delicate little princess was as pale as her curls were dark, and her eyes were the mild gold of honey. Her tiny presence was everything the King and Queen had ever dared hope for. To them she was perfect, the most beautiful thing they'd ever seen. And they named her Adrienne.
     To commemorate the birth of their new daughter, the monarchs held a grand ball in her honor. One to which every nobleman and woman of the kingdom was invited. To this extensive guest list, two more special persons – unable to lay claim to any of the numerous titles of nobility - were included: the Witches Meridan.
     Two sisters, Parthenia and Penelope Meridan, were among the most feared and respected persons of the green valley. They had resided in their small cottage, tucked into a corner of the kingdom, for many many years. So long that there was not a single individual in the kingdom who could recall a time or age when their presence in the valley had been missed. The witches lived modestly, inconspicuously, living so as not to draw attention to themselves; a futile act as the valley’s residents could not help but watch them in fascination. A fascination which had led to the surprising and slightly uncomfortable discovery that throughout their many years of living within the valley, the sisters had not aged but even one day. To look upon the Witches Meridan was to look upon eternal youth, the only visible sign of their incredible magic.
     It was this magic that the King and Queen called upon during Adrienne’s ball. They had invited the Witches Meridan to the ball foremost out of respect and a desire to avoid insulting them, but in the midst of the festivities the Queen peered down at her daughter with loving eyes and could not help but wish there was a means of guaranteeing her happiness in this hard world. It was at that moment that she came upon a wonderful idea which could only find fruition with the aid of the Witches Meridan.
     The Queen asked the two witches if they would be so kind as to grant her a favor in regards to Princess Adrienne. Being really most obliging individuals, Penelope and Parthenia promised almost immediately to carry out the Queen’s request without question, whatever it may be, so long as it was within their power.
     The Queen was quite pleased by their alacrity and she said, looking all the while at the tiny princess, “I would like her to have happiness in the future.” Though she spoke softly, her words managed to carry to every corner of the hall. “Happiness such as that which I have been so fortunate to have found.” She and the King smiled at once another before she turned her full attention to the witches. “I want to guarantee she find love in the future,” she concluded warmly.
     Parthenia and Penelope exchanged a troubled glance which went unnoticed by every other individual in the large hall. Bound by their unwise promise to not question the Queen’s request, Parthenia said hesitantly, in a clear sweet voice which was as young as she herself appeared, “Your highnesses are requesting that we guarantee that Princess Adrienne find love in this lifetime?”
     “True love,” the Queen clarified. She smiled trustingly at the witches. “Happiness.”
     Penelope spoke then, her lovely voice carefully calm. “Guarantee she find true love?” When the King and Queen nodded once again, she could only say sadly, “So be it.”
     Penelope turned to Parthenia and the two witches locked mournful eyes, sharing their thoughts with one another, searching for a means to do as both the Queen wished and appease their own consciences. Alas, the witches could only think of one almost negligible way to do so. Though unhappy with what they must do, the witches began to speak in unison and bright lights enveloped the little princess.

             “Darling Adrienne, maiden of royalty born,
             By desire of loving parents
             Who in this world found such happiness,
             We, the Witches Meridan, do promise
             That you will experience the joy of True Love’s first kiss.
             In the moment that lover’s lips do touch thine own
             Your happiness will know no mortal bounds.
             One breath of pure bliss we gift to you princess,

             For when thy lips do part royal maiden,
             Cold ethereal Death will descend on thee.
             For life holds but one dark guarantee.
             And to bind you to happiness in this hard world,
             Love and death must as one be unfurled."

     Where the first verse of the spell elicited ecstatic cries of approval from the witch’s audience, the second left them speechless. A silent horror descended upon the hall. The King and Queen stared at the witches, aghast. And defeat seemed to have wrapped itself about the Witches Meridan as well.
     It was not long before the King and Queen’s shock turned to righteous anger. They demanded the reversal of what they deemed the witches’ curse, but alas it could not be done. Such a spell would hold the test of time, the witches said, just as it had been designed. The witches wished to more fully explain what they had been forced to do, but further speech was not tolerated by the monarchs. Their royal highness’ response to Penelope and Parthenia’s refusal to lift the spell was to order the witches seized and imprisoned. But the guard’s attempts to do so were piteously in vain. The Witches Meridan disappeared silently into thin air, never again to be seen in the kingdom.
     And so it was only weeks after she entered the world that the Princess Adrienne was barred from it. She was immediately confined to a single wing of the castle which was restricted from all but a few select individuals, for the King and Queen were taking no risks with their daughter’s life. They had decided that as the spell upon her could not be lifted, she must, at all costs, be kept from falling in love. And so they locked her away from the world and all of its once-thrilling prospects.

     The years passed and Adrienne grew in beauty as she did in age. At eighteen she was a tall, slender figure of a girl with dark brown locks curling about a delicate pale face that never saw enough of sunlight. Adrienne was as blissfully unconcerned with her future as all princesses of her age were bound to be, for the King and Queen had decided that she was not to know a thing about the witches’ spell. That she was never allowed outside her one wing of the castle and was politely restricted to her rooms when visitors of any type arrived was not initially perceived as odd by the princess. As a child she had of course never known another life. And when her daily existence did finally striker her as unusual in adolescence, she came to the conclusion that her parents were simply over protective as she was their only child, a conclusion not too far from the absolute truth. Besides, she would think to herself, how was she to know if this was not as all princesses of her time lived – the princesses of storybooks were of course from another age.
     It was really only after years of eyeing the beauty ever present outside the castle windows and reading about grand adventures that always took place outside of thick stone walls that Adrienne really felt the restrictions upon her person. Her lack of friends, let alone acquaintances, rankled strongly with her. To be certain, she was incredibly fond of her mother and father, and very much liked the few female servants who would bustle about her castle wing. However, none of these persons could truly be called a friend and Adrienne did not know and never had known anyone else. In eighteen years, not a single person other than the aforementioned had ever set eyes on the princess. And she, in turn, had never seen anyone else. It was the eighteenth anniversary of that long ago and fateful ball that this situation was finally and fatally altered.
     That particular day, young Prince Damian of a kingdom far far away, arrived at the castle. He was on a journey to a kingdom by the sea and had been advised to seek shelter in the green valley before continuing onward to his destination. Though it was quite late into the night that he came upon the castle, he was taken in graciously by the King and Queen, as was only proper royal etiquette. And as in the midst of his arrival the princess was of course sleeping, it was decided that she would be instructed not to leave her quarters the next morning instead of being unduly woken with such directions. This one decision would be fate’s means of bringing the Prince and Princess together.
     Despite his late arrival to the castle, the Prince breakfasted with the King and Queen early the next morning. Their royal highnesses had of course the usual affairs to tend to following the meal and as rain was falling steadily outdoors, the Prince informed them that he had decided not to continue his journey until the weather finally cleared. While inwardly a bit nervous about having the Prince around the castle, the King and Queen said nothing untoward to him. They simply, as courtesy demanded, hoped he would be comfortable during his stay and also politely, if forcefully, requested that he please refrain from setting foot in the castle’s east wing. The rest of the castle he should feel free to explore, and there was indeed a splendid library in a room about the north wing, but visitors were generally restricted from the east wing. The Prince was ready enough to abide by their request, expecting only to head back to his rooms and wait out the weather before leaving the castle. So the King and Queen left the table – and the Prince – not especially worried about Adrienne. Princes had come and gone from the castle for years now with no incident and there was no reason to suppose that Prince Damian should be an exception. That Princess Adrienne was not currently safely restricted to her quarters and that the Prince was to get confoundedly lost on his sojourn back to his own rooms was not known to the monarchs.
     Princess Adrienne had risen from bed earlier than usual that particular morning and had immediately left her bedroom to watch the sun rise from her favorite set of windows. This meant that the servants had been unable, though not for lack of trying, to find her and relay their royal highness’s instructions. The east wing was rather extensive in size, a large part of the reason it had been chosen as Adrienne’s own, and it was impossible for the servants to know precisely where the Princess had gone. This did not trouble them particularly, for though they would prefer her to be safely behind closed doors, Adrienne had never defied her parents request to stay within the bounds of the east wing. And visitors, especially princes, were most certainly not permitted there.
     As Princess Adrienne gazed dreamily out of windows Prince Damian became almost hopelessly lost as he attempted to find his own rooms, an almost impossible feat considering the dining hall’s close proximity to them. However, for some mystical reason, as the Prince attempted to find the corridor that led to his room, he was presented with nothing but one long winding passage that he could have sworn had not existed just hours before. He tried to find another more familiar passage way but somehow there was no other way out of the dining hall. Even the corridor the King and Queen had just used to exit the dining hall had disappeared. With no other option the Prince walked down the long passage hoping it would eventually lead to a part of the castle he recognized.
     And so it was that Prince Damian came slowly closer and closer to the one part of the castle he was forbidden just as Princess Adrienne tore herself away from the windows. She was wandering the halls of the east wing, deep in imagination, spinning her own lovely castles in the air when the Prince came to a hall which had not in long years seen Prince nor young man of any kind. He was peering down the hall in some frustration when Adrienne turned a corner and the two saw one another.
     Adrienne was most certainly the more startled of the two youths. She had only in books or from a far distance, peering at visitors from her windows, seen anyone resembling the Prince and she was quite certain that the King and Queen would disapprove, to put their feelings lightly, of their having ever met. However, she found that though she was startled at the sight of him, she was not at all afraid of him. No impulse within her told her to turn away and walk back to the safety of her rooms and indeed she found that she could not do more than stare back at the tall, handsome individual in front of her. For the Prince was tall and dashing and handsome as all princes should be. And he was also, as is only to be expected in such a circumstance, from first glance completely enchanted by Adrienne.
     He had met many princesses before. He had been meeting them for many a year now, for his parents had been from the eve of his twenty-first birthday hoping in vain that he would soon marry. He had been unable to find one to suit him however, though every one of those many princesses had been beautiful and charming in their own right. Something about Adrienne, or perhaps simply their belonging to one another, instantly told him that here was finally the princess that he would marry. He had no doubt that she was a princess, though he had never before heard of any princesses living in the kingdom of the green valley. Just as he had no doubt that he was love with her.
     He slowly walked up to the silent and still princess, fully intending to introduce himself and pondering if it was too soon to propose marriage. However, when he finally found himself in front of the lovely slip of a girl he could not speak. Instead, all that came to his lips was an involuntary smile.
     The moment his kind smile fell upon Adrienne she knew why she could not move. She had never done more than read about love before, but in that instance she found herself already in love with the Prince, not knowing a thing about him, let alone his name or that he was actually a prince. Unlike Prince Damian, she could not immediately recognize royal heritage. She only recognized that she was in love with him. And she smiled up at him sweetly that it was as though she said the words aloud. Smiling softly at one another, and entirely unaware that their happiness was to be so fleeting, the Prince and Princess drew together into that most fatal kiss.
     Unspeakably happy the Prince drew away Princess Adrienne only to find that the soft smile was now eternally frozen to her lips. Anguish quickly replaced his happiness and in his misery a heart-wrenching cry escaped from his lips to summon servants and guards from all over the castle. A cry so terrible it even summoned the King and Queen from their own secluded corner of the castle.
     The sad sight they found was that of the heartbroken Prince kneeling over the dead Princess, tears streaming down his face. The King and Queen’s grief was as complete as his own, and for long moments they could do nothing but stare at this image of broken happiness. Anger found no place in their hearts and they did not, as a number of the servants feared they might, demand the Prince seized and imprisoned for what he had done. They only, upon seeing the Prince’s haunted confusion at this terrible turn of events, explained to him in broken words why fate had seen to be so unkind.
     Refusing to relinquish hold of his would-be bride, the Prince listened to their sad story while still sunken to the floor. And it was only at its completion that he began to say over and over again in obvious growing torment, “‘True Love’s first kiss.’” At the confusion that met this phrase he finally explained in a hollow voice, “It was the kiss.” He swallowed a painful sob. “Not love.” And so it was in this terrible way that the King and Queen, and in time all their subjects, finally learned of the careful compromise the Witches Meridan had made eighteen long years ago.

                                                     The End.

On Love #9

Quotation
"…I hope you proved to yourself
whatever it was you were trying to prove.
That you loved me.
That you didn't.
That I failed you and
I wasn't worth holding onto anyways.
That you did all you could do.
The fictions we tell ourselves
in order to stagger away." -Suzanne Hancock, from "Cast From Bells"

Dreams and Dreaming #5

Quotation
"...me, a dreamer, I walked enchanted, and nothing held me back." -Daphne Du Maurier, Rebecca

"Religious Melancholy"

Quotations
"'She'd been real melancholy in the fall – religious melancholy – it ran in her family. Her father worried so much over believing that he had committed the unpardonable sin that he died in the asylum.'" -L.M. Montgomery, Anne's House of Dreams

"'There are days when he growls at everybody because he thinks he is fore-ordained to eternal punishment. And then there are days when he says he does not care and goes and gets drunk.'" -L.M. Montgomery, Rainbow Valley

"But of course he was in the wrong religion for compromises, deals, pacts, weaknesses…" -Zadie Smith, White Teeth

"Once, they'd even brought the minister of the Unitarian church, whom I'd never really liked at all. He was terribly nervous the whole time, and I could tell he thought I was crazy as a loon, because I told him I believed in hell, and that certain people, like me, had to live in hell before they died, to make up for missing out on it after death, since they didn't believe in life after death, and what each person believed happened to him when he died." -Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

Random Musing
Changed the blog layout today, as I'm sure you've noticed (if you hadn't noticed before my mentioning it here, then that's really a bit weird) - mostly because my sister's been harassing me to for a while. She didn't like how generic the old layout was. I haven't quite gotten used to the new look yet, but I'm sure I will in a few days. Hopefully you approve of the change yourself - or at the very least, don't find it so awful that you decide to stop visiting.

Typewriters

Random Musing
I want a typewriter. One of those cool, vintage typewriters that are in all the old movies. Not an electric typewriter that has absolutely no personality. Though some electric typewriters aren't all that awful actually - the one(s) in You've Got Mail is/are pretty cool. (If you've watched the movie you'll understand what I mean.) But yeah, owning a typewriter would be pretty amazing. As much as I do love my Vaio, writing on it isn't quite the experience that clacking away on a typewriter would be. For once thing, you can't "clack away" on a laptop. That being said, the type of typewriter I want is really expensive. I've looked on ebay. And buying ribbon would be a pain in the ass too. Also, given how impractical a purchase one would be, I just can't justify spending the money. Tis unfortunate. So for now I'll just dream about typewriters - figuratively that is. I've never literally dreamt about typewriters. That'd be a bit odd. 0_0

Just Very Very Tired

Quotations
"One day, walking down some street in Brooklyn, Antonio Jones had felt tired, sat down on the sidewalk, and a second later stopped existing." -Roberto Bolaño (Translated by Natasha Wimmer), 2666

"The priest was young and seemed tired, not because of what had happened that night but because of something that had been wearing him down for years." -Roberto Bolaño (Translated by Natasha Wimmer), 2666

"'I'm just tired of everything…even of the echoes. There is nothing in my life but echoes…echoes of lost hopes and dreams and joys. They're beautiful and mocking.'" -L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Avonlea

On the Moon and Moonlight

Quotations
"A cynical, lopsided old moon was coming out from behind some shaggy clouds in the east and the fields beyond seemed to wink slyly and impishly at her." -L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Ingleside

"'Such moonlight. It is such a night as one might fall asleep in and dream happy dreams of gardens and songs and companionship, feeling all the while through one's sleep the splendour and radiance of white moon-world outside as one hears soft, faraway music sounding through the thoughts and words that are born of it.'" -L.M. Montgomery, Emily's Quest

"'Last night I almost told him I'd marry him. But I had sense enough to know it was just the moon. I could be in love with anybody when the moon is just right.'" -L.M. Montgomery, Mistress Pat

"…For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride,
In the sepulcher there by the sea,
In her tomb by the sounding sea." -Edgar Allan Poe, "Annabel Lee"

"At midnight, in the month of June,
I stand beneath the mystic moon.
An opiate vapour, dewy, dim,
Exhales from out her golden rim,
And, softly dripping, drop by drop,
Upon the quiet mountain top,
Steals drowsily and musically
Into the universal valley…." -Edgar Allan Poe, "The Sleeper"

"Sit down beside me, Isabel,
Here, dearest, where the moonbeam fell
Just now so fairy-like and well.
Now thou art dress'd for paradise!
I am star-stricken with thine eyes!
My soul is lolling on thy sighs!
Thy hair is lifted by the moon
Like flowers by the low breath of June!
Sit down, sit down – how came we here?
Or is it all but a dream, my dear?…" -Edgar Allan Poe, "Fairy Land"

"I saw thee once - once only - years ago:
I must not say how many - but not many.
It was a July midnight; and from out
A full-orbed moon, that, like thine own soul, soaring,
Sought a precipitate pathway up through heaven,
There fell a silvery-silken veil of light,
With quietude, and sultriness, and slumber,
Upon the upturned faces of a thousand
Roses that grew in an enchanted garden…" -Edgar Allan Poe, "To Helen (II)"

"…Clad all in white, upon a violet bank
I saw thee half reclining; while the moon
Fell on the upturn'd faces of the roses,
And on thine own, upturn'd - alas, in sorrow!…" -Edgar Allan Poe, "To Helen (II)"

"…I can't lie that dreams are ridiculous.
And in dreaming myself upon the moon
I have made the moon my home and no one
Can ever get to me or hit me or kiss my lips…." -Dorothea Lasky, "The Process of                                                                                               Explication: III"

The Swell Season

Random Musing
If you haven't seen Once yet, you should stop reading this blog immediately and go watch it. It's an amazing movie, with an even more amazing soundtrack. I've actually recommended songs (or a song anyway) from the soundtrack before.

Well, The Swell Season is a folk rock band formed by the two leads from the movie. If you happen to like music in the line of Damien Rice, they might be right up your alley. The following are my personal favorites from their album Strict Joy. Check them out if you are so inclined.

1. The Rain
2. Fantasy Man
3. I Have Loved You Wrong
4. Back Broke

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