Nothing Pleasant

"Nothing More. Nothing Less. Nothing Else."

You are not going to change the world. That is a fact. I have seen the future and I know that in the end you do absolutely nothing of any importance. I made sure of that when I saw that I had a glimpse of the future. I looked you up. I actually went and squandered my chance at taking hold of the future – seeing what stocks were up and which to avoid even shitting on, what inventions were making millions and how I could invent them first – and went and looked your future up. All because you’re such a fucking optimist. You think the world is everything brilliant and you are everything brilliant and your life will be everything brilliant one day. Well guess what, that’s all bullshit. I’ve seen it. I saw how useless you are and always will be – not even in just the little things like making the people around you happy, but the big things like fighting world hunger and poverty. You end up failing at everything even the most pathetic schmuck normally manages to accomplish without even trying.
I’ll admit that I didn’t believe it at first. I didn’t see how you’d ended up such a miserable fucking lunatic. How could the promised boy end up like that? So after peering at the future, I went and looked at all of God’s logs and accounts and saw that you really were worthless. It was confirmed by even divinity above. He actually had you marked as “Worthless.” Wait, that isn’t true. He has you marked as “Worthless.” That’s what the problem is. From the beginning of existence your name has been shit to the world, and that is never going to change. You can’t fight God. You know that. You live by that. You’ve just always assumed he was on your side.
Isn’t that depressing? Isn’t that horrifying like nothing else you’ve ever seen or thought of in your life? I think it is. I hope you think so too. You have to. I know you’re stupid, but you’re not that stupid are you? If you are, and even I – and I hate you beyond anyone else in existence, unless you’re counting God I suppose – don’t see how you could be that much of a prick. So now you know for a fact that your big goals and ideals and all that shit come to nothing. No matter how much you try, you will do nothing. It’s predestined that way.
It’s predestined that while you fall on your ass over and over and over and over again as the years stretch out in front of you and remind you why some think death is sweet, you really will be miserable. I’ll save you the suspense and tell you that you’re going to be miserable for the next twenty five years. Then you’ll die. Yes, you heard me. You are going to be miserable for the next twenty five fucking years and then die. I didn’t decide this. No one decided this. You aren’t murdered or anything even remotely like that. You just die. You die just like all those people on the planet who God doesn’t hate. You’re gonna be sitting one day, just sitting at your kitchen table, reading your newspaper, when you suddenly keel over cause your heart’s stopped. You’ll be 53 years old. Only 53 years old. That is your future. And you’ll have done nothing of any importance before this happens. Nothing. No one will even remember you. That’s right, no one will remember you. Well, actually that’s not true. No one will remember you fondly. You’ll have no children, no friends, no other family except for a wife who hated you in life and wasn’t afraid to let you know it - but wouldn’t dare divorce you in case God really did exist (her words, not mine). Your legacy will be $15,000 in debt and a stack of porno magazines hidden under the bed. That is it. Nothing more. Nothing less. Nothing else.
So look at the future as a done deal my friend. I know you won’t really believe me on all this. You’ll think I’ve gone apeshit crazy or something. But I’m not lying. I wouldn’t lie about this, I couldn’t lie about this. This is just how the future will be and you, instead of trying to make something of it, should just let it all go right now. You’ll save yourself the disappointment. You’ll save yourself the pain. Just accept it all and throw in the towel. If you’re lucky, and God really does have a crazy sense of humor, maybe you’ll even save yourself that way.

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